I think im going to throw up on grandma
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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