i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
