Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
