I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
