im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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