I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
