I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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