Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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