youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
