Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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