guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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