UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
