My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
