I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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