I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
