he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
