my phone needs a breathalizer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
