Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
