is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
