I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
