I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
