It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
