Where is the hickey?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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