I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize