we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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