how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dicks are not precious.
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