We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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