8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just pynch a tree in the face
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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