Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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