everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I want a musical about memes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
