....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize