If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize