o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
