Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
