its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
