I faked an abortion last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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