he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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