I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
