so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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