I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
