We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
