Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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