Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Porn is love you can see.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
