Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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