I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
