She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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