I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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