The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
