Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
