My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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