I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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