No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
