I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize