Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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