Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
