And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A+ Viking dick
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