she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
