i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
