Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
