smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
