That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
