just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
