I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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