I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
