In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
