there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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