you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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