Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
