I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
