I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
