Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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