Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
