the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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