ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had sex on a roof
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
