It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
