when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
