Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
